Birthdays are Stupid
by Mlle. Madeline
Summary: "My childhood is over, and now it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to Medicare." Chad refuses to turn eighteen, and Sonny tries to convince him that being an adult won't be so bad.


**A/N: Well, I have not written a SWAC fic in a long time, have I? I still have a number of ideas and half-written stories, but I admit they've been on the backburner due to my more recent fandoms and the fact that the show is over :( That doesn't mean I'm done writing for Channy, though! Don't give up on me :) That being said, I came up with and wrote this oneshot today, haha. It's my birthday today! Now I'm twenty and feel old. So, I thought for my 20th birthday and 20th fic, I'd write a little Channy birthday oneshot! Hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: If I were in charge, SWAC would still be making new episodes. Come on now.**

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><p>"Happy biiiirthday deear Chaaaaaaaaaad," comes a not-so-subtle voice from the hallway. Chad Dylan Cooper, TV's number one tween actor, thinks about it but decides to pretend he couldn't hear her singing.<p>

Sonny Munroe practically skips into the Mack Falls dressing room carrying a plate holding a messy-looking cupcake with a lit candle stuffed into the top. "Haaaappy biiiiiirthday toooooo youuuuuuuu!" She makes her way to Chad's mirror and proudly presents the cupcake in front of him.

Chad, again, ignores it and her and continues to type away at his phone.

"Chad!" Sonny says indignantly. "I said happy birthday!"

"What?" Chad says innocently, looking up and pretending to just notice her. "Sorry, I was texting."

Sonny grabs the phone away and looks at it. "You were not! This screen is filled with random numbers. What is wrong with you?"

Chad grabs his phone back and shoves it into the pocket of his blazer, and then extinguishes the cupcake candle with his fingers. "_Nothing_. Blah blah blah, clever banter, you say something about my hair and I make fun of your tv show, good good fine fine, okay, bye!" As he describes a typical Sonny/Chad conversation, he hops out of his chair, puts the cupcake plate back in Sonny's hands, and leads her to the door by her shoulders.

Sonny stops moving her feet before Chad can push her back into the hallway. Confused, she turns around. "Chad, what's your problem?" She looks at the sad little brown cupcake in her hands and her brow furrows. "Okay, I realize this isn't the prettiest or fanciest birthday present you've ever been given, and I know I'm not the greatest baker in the world, but I tried really hard to make it nice and I even made the frosting myself and yeah I used granulated sugar when it was supposed to be powdered so it's gonna be a little grainy but that's all we had and I promise it tastes good, so – "

"Whoaaaa," Chad says, holding his hands up with his palms out towards her. "It's nothing against your little cupcake, Sonny." He examines the lump of cake in Sonny's hands. "Probably."

Sonny pouts. "Well, then why are you being mean?"

Chad heaves a deep sigh and then, looking around to make sure nobody's there to see, takes Sonny by the arm and pulls her back over to his vanity. "I'm not having a birthday this year," he whispers confidentially.

Sonny stares at him. "You're what?" she asks flatly.

"I don't want to celebrate my birthday," he repeats, crossing his arms. "So I would _appreciate _it if you didn't walk around with your large mouth yelling about it, all right?"

Sonny crosses her arms in a mirror image of Chad. "What do you _mean_, you don't want to celebrate your birthday?"

Chad rolls his eyes. "Because birthdays are _stupid_," he says, like that explains it.

"You _love _your birthday!" Sonny yelps. "You throw a gigantic, ridiculous party every year! Remember the Chad cardboard cutout invitations? And the time you got the Chad-shaped cake? And when you gave me balloons for my birthday that had your face on them? You _love_ to celebrate yourself!"

"This year's different," Chad says, eyeing the cupcake on his vanity skeptically. "It's…I'm getting _old_. I can't get old. I can't lose this face. Or this body. Talent isn't everything, you know." He studies her t-shirt. "Or maybe you don't. Really, Sonny, are you wearing a _Where the Wild Things Are _t-shirt? Really?"

Sonny looks down at the monsters marching across her torso and then puts her hands on her hips. "First of all, yes really. _Where the Wild Things Are _is one of my favorite children's books. And second of all, my shirt is not the point. What do you mean you're getting _old_? You get older every day."

"Well, Cheerios are my favorite cereal, but that doesn't mean I wear it emblazoned on my chest."

"Chad, that is _not _the point. What's wrong with turning eighteen?"

Chad groans. "Because it means I'm officially a legal _adult_!" he explains. "Sonny, even though there's still a 'teen' in my age, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm no longer just a boy. I have to be a _man_. My childhood is over, and now it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to Medicare."

Sonny laughs. "C'mon, Chad, forty years is a little more than a hop, skip, and a jump. Eighteen is a fun age to turn! I can't _wait _for it. Now you can vote and buy lottery tickets and enlist in the military and contract emphysema and buy dirty movies!"

Chad almost cracks a smile. "Yeah, that all sounds _really_ fantastic," he says, rolling his eyes. "Why on earth would I want to avoid _that_?" He straightens the lapels of his blazers. "Look, this conversation's over. I'm going to pretend I'm still carefree and seventeen, and you're going to take your excuse for a cupcake back to Chuckle City with you, and we'll pretend none of this happened, okay? I don't want anyone to know it's my birthday today."

Sonny stays put. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," she deadpans. "The whole _world _knows it's your birthday."

"What?" Chad exclaims, panicked. "Who did you tell? Geez, Munroe, can you keep _anything _to yourself?"

Sonny stares at him. "You're a celebrity, Chad," she says, like she's explaining something to a small child. "People know your birthday. _You _not saying anything isn't going to keep that non-secret."

Chad blinks. "Oh, right. Darn popularity and good looks."

"Eat your cupcake," Sonny says, pushing the plate into his hands. "Just eat it and appreciate my hard work and then I'll pretend it isn't your birthday, okay?"

Chad thinks about it, looking down at the falling-apart cupcake. He hesitates. He looks back up to Sonny, who's standing there looking all…impatient, and…pretty…

He takes a big bite of chocolate cupcake (at least, he thinks it's supposed to be chocolate) and does his best to swallow it. "There, happy?"

Sonny grins. "Hooray, you're seventeen! Still!" Her phone moos, and when she looks at it her eyes widen. "Oh no, I'm late for rehearsal. I gotta go."

She shoves her phone back into her pocket and turns to leave, but stops herself mid-turn and looks back at Chad. "Eighteen isn't gonna be so terrible, Chad. It's too bad you decided not to have a birthday this year. I thought I had a pretty good present for you."

"This cupcake?" Chad asks, still trying to swallow the remains of the thick, dry cake.

Sonny's cheeks flush slightly. "No. But since you're still seventeen, I guess you can't have your _eighteenth_ birthday gift. Maybe next time." She starts to walk away, but Chad grabs her arm.

"Well, I _do _like presents…" he says imploringly.

Sonny takes a few steps closer to him. "Eighteen will be a good year, Chad. Getting older is exciting. You learn more and experience more and get to _live _more. You just have to accept that age isn't something we can avoid. So embrace and appreciate it, all right?" She puts her hand on his arm, and Chad wonders if her hands are always that warm.

"I don't want to be an _adult _yet," he half-protests, more focused on the hand on his arm.

Sonny moves her arms to put them around Chad's neck, and kisses him.

When she pulls away, she whispers, "I've always preferred _men _to _boys _anyway," and gives him a sly smile before kissing him quickly once more and then leaving.

She yells "HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY, CHAD DYLAN COOPER!" down the hallway, and probably they heard her in New York.

Chad stares after her, a little shell-shocked by her present.

Actually, he thinks, maybe eighteen will be a good year.


End file.
